Hypertention

Whatinthe?........I have high blood pressure. It is most likely hypertention. How weird is that? Those that know me would find this stange also........I am skinny, tall, and young with a high metabolism, and to the naked eye, most would never pin me for the type to have high blood pressure at my age (24....even though I look more like 19 and still can't grow a mustache to this day......but that is another blog entry entirely). I don't drink caffeine, alcohol, or smoke. Also, I walk almost everywhere I go. I never thought that I would have high blood pressure. I went to get my blood pressure checked kind of on a whim for kicks expecting to be healthy all "I knew it." Nope! Now I'm going to go to a doctor and see what the deal is. I guess that it makes sense to a certain degree......I stress out a lot and was once hospitalized because of it when I was taking a double-load of credits at the community college that I was attending in Spokane. I recently quit all the substances in my life. Now all that I ingest is food, water, juice, and air (do you ingest that?......well I breathe it anyway). Ever since I stopped using substances, my dreams have been coming back in full force and I am remembering them all too well. I have been having relentless nightmares almost everynight. I wake up in a panic literally soaking in cold sweat. My nightmares range from swarms of scorpions, to being shot and scarred, to the one I had last night where I got attacked by a group of guys and in defending myself proceeded to smash one guy's head into to ground untill it caved in. The scariest part of all of this is that these things all come from my own mind. When I had my blood pressure checked they gave me this color-reactive dot that sticks to your hand and shows your stress level. Yellow means mellow......green is normal........and black indicates the highest stress level. When they applied it to my hand it emmidiately turned black. I spent the rest of last night trying to relax and chill to see if I could get it to change color......to no avail. What is wrong with me? I don't feel all that stressed out.....but then, I didn't feel stressed either when I was so bent up that my organs started to quit on me and it turned into hospital time. On the real, I got a lot on my plate right now......more than normal. My great grandpa is in the hospital down in palm desert having a hard time recovering from a quadrouple by-pass surgery with kidney trouble and an infection in his lungs. I think about it a lot......most likely I think about it more than it helps the situation or me. My job is crazy nuts more than normal right now on the nine to five tip monday to friday and I have an eight hour art class on saturdays. This is all added to my normal diet of personal art, DJ-ing, and Mc-ing; all of which I feel bad about if I put down for too long. I get bugged out if I can't see progress on any or all of these fronts.....which is not all that realistic I know, but it's just how I feel. I find myself analyzing the situation trying to find a solution behind all the crazyness. Not being able to find a better way is also adding to my mental state. My friends are a good source for support when I am around them, but since I quit-it on my substance intake a lot of my bro's have quit stopping by to hang. I'm sure it has to do with me not going out to the bars and parties where everyone is also. Lately my roommate has been house-sitting his parent's place so I haven't seen him almost all week........one of my other best friends usually only comes around when my roommate does and he recently started seeing someone (which I am happy about for him, for real) and is kicking it less than he used to. My best friends are also the DJ's that I work with; for a while now they have been doing events and projects without me or without even telling me about it. I know they don't do it to exclude me on purpose but it is the end result. A lot of it has to do with the fact that they live kind of on bar-time....whereas I have a day job. Our lives are so different now that it is unrealistic for me to think that I could be a part of it all......as much as I wish it was so. I feel so isolated but I don't want to take what seems like steps backwards and turn to alcohol ect. to escape it. I guess what I'm getting at is that if I can't handle my shit on my own, then I would rather live with my shit than be a slave to a lifestyle that only supresses my problems and ultimately compounds them. Living with these issues rather than dealing with them seems to be adding to my stress level, but it's not like I'm not trying to deal.......it's just hard; especially since I have all these problems at the same time that I am having to invent new ways of coping with them outside of substance abuse. I'm gonna just try harder....it's all I CAN do. Here goes nothing.....wish me luck blogspotters.